You have the right to say no to sexual activity, regardless of what has preceded it. You have the right to have that “no” respected. This is true even if “no” is not actually said – and is implied through your actions, or is apparent from the absence of a willingness to proceed.

Know your rights. Educate those you care about. After an incident of sexual assault is not the time to think about the importance of clear, mutual consent.

Sometime is now.

Sometimes, you need to take preventative measures

• Set clear sexual limits before a date begins and communicate those limits. Be clear, honest and consistent with your verbal and nonverbal communications about sexual desires and limits.
• Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable in your surroundings, leave.
• Be assertive. You have the right to refuse unwanted advances.
• Don’t let yourself be put in vulnerable situations.
• Keep in mind that alcohol and drugs impair your judgment.

Sometimes, you have to address the worst-case scenario

• First of all, remember that you’re the victim. It’s not your fault. Seek help.
• Trust yourself. It’s hard to know what to do when you aren’t sure what happened. But if your instincts tell you something is wrong, seek help. Don’t delay.
• If you think you or a friend MAY have been given a date rape drug, you are facing a potential medical emergency. Please call the police or 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency department immediately for a medical evaluation. By acting quickly, you may save a life.  Get help. Phone the police, a friend, a rape crisis centre, or a relative. Tell someone you trust about what happened.

Violence in relationships, sometimes physical, sometimes emotional, includes controlling, abusive and aggressive behaviour. Dating violence, which often involves common assaults such as verbal threats, pushing, slapping, punching and any injury that requires first aid, are increasing according to a report from Statistics Canada.

It can occur in the context of casual dating or can become a long-standing characteristic of a serious long-term relationship or marriage. It can occur in any relationship, and is characterized by verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in varying combinations and levels of severity.

While every woman’s experience of an abusive relationship is different, there are often common patterns of controlling behaviour and abuse that are evident before the relationship becomes physically violent. For your own safety, happiness and security it’s important to know what to look for sooner rather than later.

Sometime is now.

Sometimes, you need to take immediate action

• Being a victim of dating violence is not your fault. Nothing you say, wear, or do gives anyone the right to hurt you.
• If you think you’re in an abusive relationship, get help immediately. In an emergency call 911 or your local police department.
• If you’re in a dating relationship that in any way feels uncomfortable, awkward, tense or even frightening, trust your feelings and get out of it. It could become, or may already be, abusive.
• Know the early warning signs that you’re in a dating situation or relationship that could have the potential to become violent or distressing.
• Talk to someone you trust, such as a parent, sibling, counsellor or nurse. Let them know when you are afraid or need help.
• Relationship violence is traumatic and overwhelming; it’s important for you to have support. If you find that family or friends are not able to understand, or cannot offer all the support you need, there are a number of campus and community agencies where trained professionals can assist you in a caring, confidential manner.

Sometimes, you need to be there for someone

• Tell them you are worried about them.
• Be a good listener and don’t offer your opinions or judgments.
• Offer your friendship and support.
• Ask how you can help.
• Encourage them to seek help.
• Educate yourself about dating violence and healthy relationships.
• Avoid any confrontations with the abuser. This could be dangerous for you and your friend.

Drug-induced sexual assault, which is becoming more common, involves the administration of an anesthesia-type drug to render a victim physically incapacitated and incapable of giving or withholding consent. Whether you’re given a drug without your knowledge or take it willingly is irrelevant. If you do not consciously consent to sexual acts, it’s rape.

Victims may be unconscious during all or parts of the sexual assault and, upon regaining consciousness, may experience anterograde amnesia: the inability to recall events that occurred while under the influence of the drug.

Diligence in circumstances where a drug may be administered without your knowledge, responsibly using alcohol or other substances, spotting and avoiding dangerous situations, and knowing your rights and the importance of consent are all measures you can take to mitigate the threat of drug-induced rape.

Knowing the dangers is key, and the time to educate yourself is not after something happens.

Sometime is now.

Date rape drugs come in a variety of forms, including powder, pills, tablets and liquid. Date rape drugs are often referred to by a number of names, including:

• MDMA – Ecstasy, Liquid Ecstasy, Liquid X
• Gamma Hydroxybutyrate – GHB, Gamma-OH, Grievous Bodily Harm, Easy Lay
• Ketamine – K, Special K, Kit Kat, Cat Valium
• Rohypnol – Roofies, Rophies, Forget-me Pill

Individuals react differently to date rape drugs depending on the dosage, the person’s metabolism, sensitivity to the substance, and the presence of alcohol and/or other drugs. There are several telltale signs that an individual may be under the influence of a sedating substance. Possible effects include impaired judgment, loss of inhibition, dizziness, confusion, and inability to stay awake and conscious. In large doses, sedating drugs can cause seizures, respiratory depression, permanent coma, and death.  Victims of sexual assault involving drugs or alcohol often experience even more psychological trauma than other sexual assault survivors as they’re more likely to blame themselves.

Sometimes, you need to be there for someone you care about

• Believe the victim, be compassionate, and listen without judgment.
• Ask how you can help.
• Encourage them to talk about the assault but DO NOT pressure them to talk.
• Help them to make their own decisions; do not “take over.” The victim needs to regain their sense of control.
• Recognize your own feelings as separate from the victims, and that this a time to respect the victims feelings and needs – not your own.

Date rape, sometimes called acquaintance sexual assault, is non-consensual sexual behaviour that occurs between adults who know each other. If an individual forces, coerces or manipulates you into having sexual intercourse against your will and without consent, it’s date rape. It’s one of the most common types of sexual assault. It’s also one of the least understood.

Consent is the key word in the context of date rape. In many cases the aggressor is as uninformed as the victim with regards to their legal obligations to acquire consent before engaging in sexual activity. And although some people argue that the issue can be blurred with drugs, alcohol, or a victim’s fear of verbally saying no, there’s a clear cut rule that takes away the guesswork: regardless of sexual orientation, whether the victim is a man or a woman – if there is no clearly defined mutual consent to proceed with sexual activity IT IS RAPE.

Awareness of the notion of consent is the key to addressing the issue of date rape. Not only do potential victims need to be made aware, aggressors, who may not even view themselves as such, need to be made aware as well. In many cases the person committing date-rape may be genuinely shocked that they’ve done something wrong.

If you, or someone you care about, is a victim of date rape – or is even a potentially unwitting date-rapist – discuss the importance of clear mutual consent. While you’re trying to pick up the pieces is not the time to talk about it.

Sometime is now.

Sometimes, you need to take immediate action

• Date rape can occur when a woman is alone with a man or when others are close by.
• Know that it’s your right to decide whether, when, and with whom you have sex.
• Trust your instincts. If you feel uneasy, uncomfortable or confused, give yourself permission to leave even if you fear you may hurt the aggressor’s feelings.
• Be responsible for your own safety. Depending on others to take care of you, won’t always work out because they might not be there when you need them.
• If things start to get out of hand, leave and protest loudly enough to attract attention. Embarrassment should be the least of your concerns in a dangerous situation.
• Be strategic, proactive and assertive. Think ahead about getting home. Be prepared when you’re away from home to be able to leave a situation if you need to. Co-ordinate plans with friends and arrange transportation. Always carry enough money for a cab.

Sometimes, you need to be there for someone you care about

• Believe the victim, be compassionate, and listen without judgment.
• Ask how you can help.
• Encourage them to talk about the assault but DO NOT pressure them to talk.
• Help them to make their own decisions; do not “take over” – the victim needs to regain their sense of control.
• Recognize your own feelings as separate from the victims, and that this a time to respect the victims feelings and needs – not your own.

Stalking, sometimes called criminal harassment, is not just something celebrities have to deal with. If someone is repeatedly involved in your life in a way that causes you discomfort, or to reasonably fear for your safety, you may be being stalked.

Be especially aware of stalking on the Internet. The proliferation of social media has changed the nature of the stalking threat. A consistent and elevated vigilance is required with the growing amount of time we spend online.

Unwanted attention from someone does not have to result in physical injury in order to make it a crime. And even if it’s not a stalker’s intention to scare or harm you, unwanted advances, messages or attention that frightens you is enough to make this a serious issue in the eyes of the law.

Whether it’s excessive attention that makes you uncomfortable, or a precursor to a violent act, stalking is a serious issue that should be addressed.

If you, or someone you care about, is being stalked. Later is not the time to deal with it. Later could be too late.

Sometime is now.

Sometimes, you need to take immediate action

• If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
• Trust your instincts. Don’t downplay the danger. If you feel unsafe – you probably are.
• Take threats seriously. Danger generally is higher when the stalker talks about suicide or murder, or when a victim tries to end the relationship.
• Contact a crisis hotline, victim services agency or a domestic violence crisis program. They can help you get the help you need.
• Develop a safety plan, including things like changing your routine, arranging for a place to stay and having a friend or relative go places with you. Also, decide in advance what to do if the stalker shows up at your home, work, school, or somewhere else.
• Don’t communicate with the stalker or respond to attempts to contact you. You may also want to consider getting a court order that tells the stalker to stay away from you.
• Keep evidence of the stalking. When the stalker follows you or contacts you, write down the time, date and place. Keep emails, phone or text messages, letters or notes.
• Contact the police. The stalker may have broken other laws. Perhaps they have committed assault.
• Tell family, friends, roommates and co-workers about the stalking and seek their support.

Sometimes, you need to take preventive measures

• Install solid core doors with dead bolts. If you cannot account for all keys, change locks and secure spare keys.
• If possible, install adequate outside lighting and trim back bushes and vegetation around your residence.
• Maintain an unlisted phone number. If harassing calls persist, notify local law enforcement, but also keep a written log of harassing calls and keep any voice mail messages.
• Treat any threats as legitimate and inform law enforcement immediately.
• Vary regular travel routes to school, work, stores, restaurants, and other places you frequent.
• Inform trusted neighbours and/or colleagues about the situation. Provide them with a photo or description of the suspect and any possible vehicles they may drive.
• If residing in an apartment with an on-site property manager, provide the manager with a picture of the suspect.
• Ensure that if you’re listed on a building directory it shows as either “occupied” or lists your last name only and an initial.
• When out of the house or work environment, try not to travel alone if at all possible. And try to stay in public areas.
• Monitor and keep a record of any unacceptable of suspicious internet (social media) activity.
• To an outsider, the stalker’s behaviour can appear friendly and unthreatening, for example, showering the victim with gifts or flattering messages. But, these acts are intrusive and frightening if they are unwelcome to the victim.
• Almost as many men as women report being victims of stalking. Be supportive of male friends who are suffering – and share what you know.